Divorce is often depicted in television and film as dramatic and overtly aggressive. However, divorce does not have to be like this. Many people are able to walk away from their marriage without resorting to hostility. Some ex-spouses are even able to remain friends after the split. If you are ready to get divorced but you want to minimize the tension and drama involved in many divorce cases, the following tips may help.
Reducing Misunderstandings, Resentment, and Turbulence in Your Divorce Case
Just as there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, there is no such thing as a perfect divorce. Every divorce case will have some degree of tension or discomfort. However, there are practical steps you can take to mitigate the tension, including:
Prepare in advance. – The sooner you start preparing for the divorce process, the better. Organize your financial documents and make several copies for you and your spouse. Inventory your assets and debts. Start considering how you plan to handle child custody, property division, and other divorce issues now so you are better prepared and less frazzled when you negotiate the terms of your divorce.
Understand your wants and needs. – Take some time to write down your needs and wants regarding the divorce. On what issues are you willing to compromise or not compromise?
Honestly and realistically evaluating your own needs and wants puts you in a better position to discuss divorce issues productively.
Know the divorce laws in your state. – Texas divorce cases vary from divorce in other states. Know the laws in your state so you do not make any decisions based on incorrect or outdated information.
Do not assume working with an attorney will increase hostility. – Some people assume that lawyers are only needed in contentious divorce cases. However, many lawyers specialize in amicable, cooperative divorce.
Commit to the free exchange of information. – Make a pact with your spouse to freely exchange information about finances and other important matters during the case. Agree to keep this information confidential.
Work with a mediator. – Mediators are skilled in conflict resolution and communication. Many couples find that they can reach solutions to divorce disagreements through divorce mediation easier and more quickly than they could on their own.
Do not badmouth your ex to the kids. – If you share children with your spouse, parenting disagreements are inevitable. Make a concerted effort to avoid badmouthing your ex in front of your kids. Vent to a trusted friend or counselor instead.
Build a strong support system. – Even if your divorce is relatively amicable, the process is still exhausting. Do not be afraid to ask friends, family, religious leaders, and other trustworthy individuals for help when you need it.
Maintain strong boundaries. – Remaining on good terms with your soon-to-be-ex does not eliminate the need for strong boundaries. You still deserve to have your boundaries respected.
Accept your feelings. – Some days you may feel devastated that your marriage is ending. Other days, you feel near-euphoric relief. This is completely normal. Accept your feelings and try not to judge yourself.
<< Back to Articles