Five Reasons Why Maybe you Shouldn’t
Even when deeply in love, long term couples have disagreements and irritations that can build to friction in their marriage. If the friction happens often and nothing seems to get resolved, couples may start to question their marriage and think about divorce. This blog considers 5 reasons NOT to get a divorce:
1. Consider the Children
Researchers agree that divorce has a detrimental effect on children. Though staying in a contentious marriage can be detrimental to children as well, it’s not as detrimental as divorce, which cuts off any hope of their parents getting back together. Divorce can have long-term consequences on children even 25 years later. Emotional and psychological development, academics, and even financial issues can be affected into adulthood.
2. Loss of Social and Family Connections
Marriage often affects the dynamics of a couples’ circle of friends and social interactions. Couples usually make friends with other couples. After the divorce, those friends may not know how to act or what to say to the husband or wife now on their own. The same reaction often effects family members too. They might feel they need to take a side often ending supportive family relationships.
3. Divorce can be Long, Emotional and Costly
The divorce process can take a long time, particularly if couples have been together for many years. The longer a couple has been together, the more assets they have accumulated. Property, savings, investments, custody rights, must all be considered. Disagreements make the process even longer. Divorce may dredge up powerful emotions in one or both of the spouses, such as rejection, failure and fear of being alone. Divorce is expensive--- the national average is $15-20,000 and more if the divorce is contentious. Attorney fees alone average $5000, but can be much higher if a divorce drags on. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/divorce-is-expensive-can_n_11595584
4. Divorce May Not Solve Your Problems
As well as the emotional impact on the spouses and the children involved, after the divorce, you may have more problems. Living on one income instead of two, means adjustment of your overall lifestyle. You may have the responsibility of a mortgage or rent on your own. Childcare that was previously shared by both spouses, may become difficult to coordinate, and impact job situations. Extras such as travel and entertainment may be affected. Dating may not be as easy as it was before you married.
5. Try a Little Patience
It’s not uncommon for marriages to have problems. If the marriage doesn’t involve serious issues such as, abuse or addiction, many problems may be solved through counseling and the willingness of the couple to make the marriage work. Says Paul Friedman, founder of the non-profit Marriage Foundation, “Talk to anyone who has a satisfying relationship 20 years on and they will tell you that it has had to be forged by sensitive, hard work by both sides over time.”
Mediation Can Resolve the Issue
Mediation is not just for divorce--- a professional mediator can assist with many issues. A Fair Way Mediation attorney Rich Gordon brings decades of experience to every consultation. He help couples identify the root causes of stress and gently guides them to a non-confrontational, mutual agreement on the right action to take. Complete our online request for a free online evaluation, or to receive a free 30-minute consultation visit us a www.afairway.com or call 760-227-5090 / 619-702-9174.
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