EMOTIONAL STAGES OF DIVORCE

If you’ve read the renowned book, On Death and Dying, by Swiss Psychiatrist Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, you’ll remember the book’s much discussed section on the five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

The process of divorce may follow a similar pattern. Though Kubler-Ross said that not everyone experiences the exact pattern of grief---some people may experience only certain stages and not in the exact order above---it is accepted that at least some of those five stages of grief are commonly seen in grieving people. Feelings of grief often go along with the process of divorce. Divorce can feel like the death of a loved one or a family, particularly if children are involved. Emotions can range from feelings of failure, anger, fear, shock, guilt and more. But, it’s not the same for everyone, and some may even feel free or a since of relief, especially if married life was contentious or abusive.

Moving through the Emotional Stages of Divorce

If you’ve decided to divorce and are experiencing any or all of the above feelings, the process of mediation can help you move through the emotional stages of divorce with the least amount of pain to a resolution that satisfies both spouses. With mediation, you won’t have to rehash all the negatives of your marriage. With the help of an experienced mediator as an unbiased third-party, you can look at your marriage in a new light, with respect for the good things about it, and forgiveness for the not so good. Concentration on the negatives of the marriage, instead of the positive, will not benefit either party and only inhibit healing and moving on. Move through the five emotional stages with mediation:

Denial

Denial is often a protective mechanism. It’s easier to think, “This isn’t happening to me”, then to accept the truth of your divorce. Through a fair discussion with both sides participation, a mediator can help you and your spouse to understand and accept the reality of the divorce and move on.

Anger

Anger can easily disrupt a peaceful divorce process. A certain amount of anger is natural if you were the spouse who didn’t want the divorce, but if anger is out of control and involves drug, alcohol, or physical abuse mediation is not appropriate.

Bargaining 

Mediation is all about peaceful bargaining. For mediation to work, you and your spouse should both be willing to bargain for what is fair and best for your family. It is important that you are on equal ground, no spouse is intimidated by the other, and each spouse is ready to give equal input.

Depression

Depression can be a side effect of divorce. After all, most people go into a marriage with the thought that it will last forever. A good support group, counseling or therapy can help. It’s best to get this taken care of prior to mediation. Depression may impair the thought process and impede negotiations.

Acceptance

A successful mediation process takes place with full and equal participation by both partners. It results in a satisfactory resolution for both. Mediation helps you move through the divorce process and accept your new situation. You and your family can move ahead to a new life.

A mediator will lead you through the issues, help you avoid contention, and work with you on a mutually acceptable plan to move forward with your divorce. Complete our request for a free online evaluation, or to receive a free 30-minute consultation visit us at www.afairway.com, or call 760-227-5090 / 619-702-9174.